I respect heritage, whether it be Native American, African, Asian, Irish, English, People from the Amazon, or any of the other nationalities that I could list. Whatever it may be it’s important to who we are in some way shape or form. I’ve never felt like I fit so who am I to judge? In fact it would be better, if I took what I could, what they would allow me to learn, and take it to heart, and create some new heritage in my life, or at least an understanding of others. It might not be a complete understanding, but at least I’m trying.
Why do we keep living in the past? I did not enslave anyone, nor did I take anyone’s land. I simply was born on American soil, with white skin, eager to live my dreams. Have they come true, for the most part no? But I can tell you that the people that have helped me on my journey have been of different classes, backgrounds, races, and even political differences. Some have been strict Christians, some of Buddhist background, others have been of a People that spans back centuries. Do I understand it all, no; but at least it gives me a glimpse of hope of what the world could be. If we all just started loving each other for our differences, learning new things, and stop blaming people for things we have no control over, I think we would find that we are more alike than people think.
I can’t help that I’m Scotch-Irish/German/Norwegian, and who knows what else…. in other words a Mutt. But you know what, sometimes it’s the Mutt’s that are the most loyal, the most willing to sacrifice, the ones that smile at everyone with out hesitation because their goal is not to beat the next person; instead it is to help create some happiness in someone else’s life. So to my friends of mixed race, of different sexual orientations, to the “mutt’s” like myself and to those with strong based heritage; thank you. Thank you for teaching me about what makes you, you. What is important in your past, and what is important to your future; And if it’s in my power I hope I can help you reach your goals, I hope I can be respectful of what is sacred to you, and I hope you are willing to share some of your insight into a world I would not otherwise know.
Thank you, I hope we never stop learning, I hope we start Accepting people for where they are at, and quite creating classes. We know that it doesn’t work. Lets start taking care of each other here in America. I’m all for helping the human race whatever continent it’s on, but fighting other peoples battles, instead of helping are own, well that I have a problem with. Because, instead of learning from the past, we are just repeating it, with different words, to hide the truth.
We are all equal regardless of pay, regardless of success, because we are all human. With Human problems. That although we may think are unique to ourselves, we eventually find out, at least one other person has been through something similar. It’s hard to see it, and it’s even harder to reach out.
For me, it’s been a long process, and an ongoing process. People think I’ve got it all together, that I am somehow successful, and untouched by bigotry, judgment, and problems. Yet I’m completely supported by my parents, friends, and the government..not something I thought I would ever be. Nor something I want to be. It’s humiliating, and even more degrading when people tell me I should be doing better, when people look at the few things I do to try and make it through a day, and decide that I’m somehow taking advantage. Well I’ve done everything they’ve asked me to do, been through Voc-rehab 4 times and discharged with the words of “we can’t help you until you get the Headaches, fatigue/cognitive problems, and Depression under control. How? I don’t know but here ya go this is just part of my list of who I am now, none of which I am proud of.
So here it is and I hope it brings some understanding to some, and for others some sense of knowing they are not alone. I suffer from Post Traumatic Headaches from a traumatic brain injury that occurred 7 years ago. I’m still trying to put my life back together from it, some things have gotten better, others come and go, and still some of it that will never go away. I have psoriatic arthritis, possibly hashimotos disease, Screws and plates that my body is now rejecting, holes in my skull, and other physical aliments. Annoying things to say the least, things that hold me back that have completely changed my life, and at times completely debilitating. But hey I “look fine” and there in lies part of the problem. A broken arm is easy to see that it is hurt and healing, not so much with the brain. And everyone is different. The other physical ailiments I’ve now accured are all steming form one thing…the Head injury. Before I was a two sport collegiate athlete, coach, teacher, outstanding Senior in my entire college. I had great plans, and now they are gone. I was going to serve my country, I was going to play professional ball, be a professional musician. The only thing I have left of these is music, art and writing. But for an athlete this is not enough. But people don’t understand especially non-athletes. Accepting it is hard, and I’m still not completely there after 7 years. But I also suffer from major depression, anxiety, agitation, Bi-polar, OCD, paranoia, Memory problems, word finding problems and other Cognitive delays; and apparently I don’t trust people…. huh who knew.
I’m supposed to be the one people can count on, to press through, and to go on no matter the pain. I’m the person people come to for advice and yet I feel like a child still, reliant on my parents, and many others. I long for independence, something many of you may take for granted. Some days are better than others, some days I just want to give up, and that’s when all the above mentioned people come into play, because they give me insight, new ways to look at things, music to get me through. Most of what I love, who I was has been stripped from me, so I am left standing in the middle of the ring, waiting for that last blow, but I can’t help but fight, no matter how badly beaten I am. No matter how tired my legs are. In fact many of you may not even know how you’ve impacted my life. How your words, smiles, or even just nods of understanding instead of judgment have helped.
Do I have it all figured out…ha! Not even close. But I’m trying, and yea some days I want to throw in the towel, my problem is I can’t remember where I put it.