• About Jessie
  • Interpretive Art
  • More Images from 2008-present
  • My Blog
  • Music
  • Missoula and Other MT Images
  • Lindsey Stirling Concert Images
  • Music Images
  • Pricing Information
  • Order
  • Contact Jessie
  • Worthy Organizations
Jessie McGee Interpretive Art
Find me on Facebook!

A mistake....A purpose....Why am I the way I am?

9/14/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am.
What's my purpose, why don't I fit.....why am I just wrong.
Wrong in my very being, the essence of who I am, and what I want to achieve
I wonder if perhaps I am a mistake.....
No, in fact, I know I am a mistake.....one that keeps changing, and yet is always the same.
I hate mirrors, reminders of the darkness that lies beneath the smile.
My skin crawls, my heart aches....but no answers come.
Agitation, Anger, Anxiety, death...now the driving forces in my life
Maybe God got it wrong, 
maybe I should have tried harder, been better......conformed
Maybe I should have quit along time ago. 
Sometimes I wonder What's the point in trying, when I don't know what the goal is
Will I ever achieve independence, 
Will my headaches ever go away, 
Will Surgery give me any peace?
will my TBI always hold me back, cause confusion, fatigue, and a multitude of other problems.
It has already caused me to lose the part of me I was most comfortable with...an athlete, a high achiever, a perfectionist.
To be the best, to stay busy with anything and everything that took my mind away from the thoughts now circling through my head 
A constant reminder of the mistake that I am. 
thoughts and feelings that torment my soul.... at night, during the day, in every waking moment, even in my sleep. 
No dreams come, when they do they are of death, and darkness.
How can some be so happy, while others so tormented.
I loath who I am, even in my successes, which are far and few between
Will I ever get to return to sports, Will I ever achieve success
Will I ever get to truly be me. 
and who is that, what will I be,....
a fading shadow amongst, the barrage of societal ideas.
I am but ashes in the wind.....the dirt for people to walk upon
Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am.

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    I am currently on a journey to rediscover who I am, what I want to do, and how I can become the best person I can be.  The trick is to accomplish these tasks without sacrificing myself to the expectations of an unrealistic, and materialistic society.  

    Archives

    August 2017
    May 2017
    November 2016
    August 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    July 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013

    Categories

    All
    Random Ramblings
    Tbi And Life

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly

Submit
Photo used under Creative Commons from exfordy