Just realized what a joke my life is, that is all. -9/24/14
In response to my earlier post about my life being a joke:
Thank you all for thinking my life is not a joke, but if you Dealt with all the doctors, idiots, and bull shit I deal with, you might find that some of it is Quite humorous at times. For instance when you go to a neurosurgeon, and have given them the information that you do in fact have memory issues, which they confirm through their neuropsych testing, and discover some other cognitive delays (oh which you already mentioned as well); and yet they talk so fast and interrupt that you don't know if you've just witnessed a new language, or somehow your ears are playing everything in reverse. Then try to get questions answered and they want you to come in for an appointment (oh except they forget that you live in MT). So instead want to do a phone consultation.....yea that will work real well since I can't understand shit over the phone, or remember the conversation once we've hung up. The comedy is real, because really it's about being able to bill me...so I told them Bill me but answer the email I sent you, so I know what the risks are for this surgery; and oh by the way get it scheduled before the new year, like I asked when I was there!!!! They also find it quite impossible to find the stacks of medical records that you so tediously and meticulously put together, (because your OCD won't let you to it any other way), and just brush it off as no big deal while you want to throw any immediate object at their head to ring their bell a bit. All while in a room, you swear is an interrogation room with its bright lights, but oh yea no sunglasses allowed. I also find it quite funny that even with a brain injury, I still felt smarter than the majority of the doctors, neurosurgeons, or not with whom I converse. Maybe I’m just dumb though.
My life is a joke in the fact that there have been riddles, punch lines, punches, "BAM **POW", not always funny ha-ha joke, but sometimes just a kind of F*u joke. I appreciate the insight from you all. I appreciate that you don't think it's a joke, but really how many people do you know, who "lets be honest", were quite good athletes, and yet have a head injury from falling out of a dumpster, and subsequent concussions from 1. Hitting a heavy bag at full force (that's right I'm still strong), 2. Having a shelving system fall on your head while cleaning, 3. Falling down stairs while helping others, hitting my head on a car door, and then a couple of hockey related ones that we won't dwell on 4. Almost breaking (more than likely breaking) your hand because you were so fed up that you had to hit something but the only thing to hit was a solid built building and your rage outweighed the judgment of just how stupid that might be (ok maybe that's not funny), 5. Live with your sisters, had to sell you car and are now driving the car you learned to drive in (that's right I have Big Red), 5. Ride a motorcycle, but can't cross the street without having someone make a joke about wearing a helmet. Am banned from all contact sports (some organizations have actually banned me, other have been doctors making phone calls about the liability. Finally, seeing so many doctors that no one knows what the hell is going on, even though you've sent a letter connecting them all to each other, they just won't communicate because of their damned egos. These are just a few of the "jokes" in my life. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you those punch lines.
So yea my life's a joke. Not sure what the next punch line will be.... so far, much like my life, it's undefined. And sometimes what seems to be funny sends me over the edge and angry. So yea my wires are crossed, I get that, there are lapses in judgment and memory. Lapses in; "what he f*ck am I supposed to be doing while I throw the ball for my dog..... Oh right I was supposed to be at some other appointment getting some new pill to help with god knows what. So yea my life is a joke, one without the humor of sports so much anymore, but definitely with some music and art, because some of the stuff I write and create, when I show to other people, their reaction at best is stuff "America's Funnies Home Videos'" were made of. (I know I'm old).
Anyway, thanks for the comments, and support, and the determination for some of you to push me beyond what I think my limits are. But just remember one thing, I'll go all out, and when I can't go anymore, you're going to have to accept that fact. And if you don't like what I say, or how I'm acting, try to remember, sometimes I really do have no control...TBI's are indefinable, different for all who suffer them, and then you add in some other "major issues", and you have a recipe for either some awesome jokes, or some really hard times. And that my friend is the worst "joke" of all.
In response to my earlier post about my life being a joke:
Thank you all for thinking my life is not a joke, but if you Dealt with all the doctors, idiots, and bull shit I deal with, you might find that some of it is Quite humorous at times. For instance when you go to a neurosurgeon, and have given them the information that you do in fact have memory issues, which they confirm through their neuropsych testing, and discover some other cognitive delays (oh which you already mentioned as well); and yet they talk so fast and interrupt that you don't know if you've just witnessed a new language, or somehow your ears are playing everything in reverse. Then try to get questions answered and they want you to come in for an appointment (oh except they forget that you live in MT). So instead want to do a phone consultation.....yea that will work real well since I can't understand shit over the phone, or remember the conversation once we've hung up. The comedy is real, because really it's about being able to bill me...so I told them Bill me but answer the email I sent you, so I know what the risks are for this surgery; and oh by the way get it scheduled before the new year, like I asked when I was there!!!! They also find it quite impossible to find the stacks of medical records that you so tediously and meticulously put together, (because your OCD won't let you to it any other way), and just brush it off as no big deal while you want to throw any immediate object at their head to ring their bell a bit. All while in a room, you swear is an interrogation room with its bright lights, but oh yea no sunglasses allowed. I also find it quite funny that even with a brain injury, I still felt smarter than the majority of the doctors, neurosurgeons, or not with whom I converse. Maybe I’m just dumb though.
My life is a joke in the fact that there have been riddles, punch lines, punches, "BAM **POW", not always funny ha-ha joke, but sometimes just a kind of F*u joke. I appreciate the insight from you all. I appreciate that you don't think it's a joke, but really how many people do you know, who "lets be honest", were quite good athletes, and yet have a head injury from falling out of a dumpster, and subsequent concussions from 1. Hitting a heavy bag at full force (that's right I'm still strong), 2. Having a shelving system fall on your head while cleaning, 3. Falling down stairs while helping others, hitting my head on a car door, and then a couple of hockey related ones that we won't dwell on 4. Almost breaking (more than likely breaking) your hand because you were so fed up that you had to hit something but the only thing to hit was a solid built building and your rage outweighed the judgment of just how stupid that might be (ok maybe that's not funny), 5. Live with your sisters, had to sell you car and are now driving the car you learned to drive in (that's right I have Big Red), 5. Ride a motorcycle, but can't cross the street without having someone make a joke about wearing a helmet. Am banned from all contact sports (some organizations have actually banned me, other have been doctors making phone calls about the liability. Finally, seeing so many doctors that no one knows what the hell is going on, even though you've sent a letter connecting them all to each other, they just won't communicate because of their damned egos. These are just a few of the "jokes" in my life. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you those punch lines.
So yea my life's a joke. Not sure what the next punch line will be.... so far, much like my life, it's undefined. And sometimes what seems to be funny sends me over the edge and angry. So yea my wires are crossed, I get that, there are lapses in judgment and memory. Lapses in; "what he f*ck am I supposed to be doing while I throw the ball for my dog..... Oh right I was supposed to be at some other appointment getting some new pill to help with god knows what. So yea my life is a joke, one without the humor of sports so much anymore, but definitely with some music and art, because some of the stuff I write and create, when I show to other people, their reaction at best is stuff "America's Funnies Home Videos'" were made of. (I know I'm old).
Anyway, thanks for the comments, and support, and the determination for some of you to push me beyond what I think my limits are. But just remember one thing, I'll go all out, and when I can't go anymore, you're going to have to accept that fact. And if you don't like what I say, or how I'm acting, try to remember, sometimes I really do have no control...TBI's are indefinable, different for all who suffer them, and then you add in some other "major issues", and you have a recipe for either some awesome jokes, or some really hard times. And that my friend is the worst "joke" of all.
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