What's my purpose, why don't I fit.....why am I just wrong.
Wrong in my very being, the essence of who I am, and what I want to achieve
I wonder if perhaps I am a mistake.....
No, in fact, I know I am a mistake.....one that keeps changing, and yet is always the same.
I hate mirrors, reminders of the darkness that lies beneath the smile.
My skin crawls, my heart aches....but no answers come.
Agitation, Anger, Anxiety, death...now the driving forces in my life
Maybe God got it wrong,
maybe I should have tried harder, been better......conformed
Maybe I should have quit along time ago.
Sometimes I wonder What's the point in trying, when I don't know what the goal is
Will I ever achieve independence,
Will my headaches ever go away,
Will Surgery give me any peace?
will my TBI always hold me back, cause confusion, fatigue, and a multitude of other problems.
It has already caused me to lose the part of me I was most comfortable with...an athlete, a high achiever, a perfectionist.
To be the best, to stay busy with anything and everything that took my mind away from the thoughts now circling through my head
A constant reminder of the mistake that I am.
thoughts and feelings that torment my soul.... at night, during the day, in every waking moment, even in my sleep.
No dreams come, when they do they are of death, and darkness.
How can some be so happy, while others so tormented.
I loath who I am, even in my successes, which are far and few between
Will I ever get to return to sports, Will I ever achieve success
Will I ever get to truly be me.
and who is that, what will I be,....
a fading shadow amongst, the barrage of societal ideas.
I am but ashes in the wind.....the dirt for people to walk upon
Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am.